[Inner] Demon Possession II: ICriedMyEyesOut

When I initially created [Inner] Demon Possession, I didn’t know if I would continue it. I figured it would stand alone as a one-off “art thing” I did while doing another “art thing,” and like most things in my life [Inner] Demon Possession was an accident. An accident that made sense to me and how I felt. “A Bold Makeup Look’s Body Turns Against Her. Bloody!” So me. I posted it to my Instagram and there it stayed to get lost in the feed.

I wanted to do more with it but I wasn’t sure what. I thought about making it a zine but it just didn’t make sense as one. So there it sat on my Instagram and on my computer and eventually moved to my external hard drive to be forgotten about. It still inspired me though, and means the world to me. It was the first art piece I made as an adult that I was proud of. And I’m still proud of it. But there it sat hidden away, as I got distracted with Life.

Before I knew it, my demons had crept over me and slowly started consuming me. Misery. I had never had a possession like this. I could not stop crying. I cried almost every day for a month from Early November until Mid December 2018. (I say almost, because I would have a one or two day streak before it would be broken again.) My thoughts had broken me down. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and then I rehydrated just to cry some more.

And eventually I began to feel better and inspired. I came up with the concept shortly after I officially ran out of tears and made the eyeballs by hand. Gagged in the process and then got possessed again.

It took a long time before I was able to do the photography for I Cried My Eyes Out. The eyeballs sat on my desk literally staring at me for over a month. So I hope you enjoy it and please, let me know what you think.

Jan/Feb 2019

[Inner] Demon Posession

Inner Demon Possession is a series that explores my relationship to my mental health. I refer to my mental illness as being Possessed by my Inner Demons. I have been dealing with Depression and Anxiety, for over half my life and have acquired some new demons in recent years.

Sometimes when I am possessed I can feel myself wanting to “snap out of it,” my soul scratching at me from deep inside, begging me to see the light but I can’t, I am no longer me. It is a demon that I sometimes cannot control.

This series exists so I can express what I cannot put into words. I can tell you my inner demons have possessed me and what happened, and I give you reasons why I cried my eyes out. But I cannot tell you how I feel, I can only show you. 

March 2018